Puppies and baby

Last week was spring break for my kids-so just imagine a week-in winter-with all five kids home and many friends and family gone on trips to warmer places and white sands.   We knew it was close to time for our beautiful viszla dog to have her puppies and about a month from my sister-in-laws due date for her forth "surprise" baby!  A had drivers lessons planned for the first part of the week with his cousin so he headed off there for a few days.   Sunday we had dinner and game night with my brother and very pregnant sister in law.  My sister in law  joked about taking a profile picture of her and the dog for memory sake!!   The weather kept getting better and better-wonderful walking and outdoor weather.  Tues my brother called with the announcement that my sister in law was in labour-so I headed up to the hospital to see the tiny little 5lb 1 oz peanut.  T had been staying with them so he and grandma came up with my nephews.  We all felt so privileged to be the first visitors for this special arrival.  She is the 22nd grand baby on our side-very unexpected and 4 yrs since the last baby-but so very wanted!!!

Friday while I was at a doctors with my foster baby I got the call from home that we had been waiting for-Susie was finally in labour.  I frantically made phone calls to family that had asked if they could be present and rushed myself back to a house full of people anxious to see the first little babies come out.  Susie is such a good lovable dog.  G is the closest to her so she normally stays in G's room.  It therefore only made sense to have her give birth there.  So we packed 15 people into G's room to watch this miracle.  It is amazing to watch nature take over and mommy dog have these babies, clean them up and watch them take their first breaths and creep with closed eyes to nurse. What  a beautiful  experience.  That is why we did it-we wanted to let her have one litter so that the kids could see the whole birth and nursing process.  She ended up with 8 puppies-wow-and she is such a good mom-takes such good care of them.  So the winter week we were kind of dreading and trying to think of activities to keep everyone busy turned out to be a more beautiful and eventful week than we could ever have imagined!!

Primitive bunny

Heres the instructions for a very basic primitive bunny

First I designed my pattern-I did some rough sketches on paper first then I drew it the size I wanted on wax paper.  For a simple bunny like the one above you just need one drawing and you are going to cut 2 pieces (the other patterns are for more projects I will post later)

Place the pattern on your fabric-I used a cotton muslin-and cut 2 pieces. Use a safety pin to pin your pieces together before you stain them if you are doing more than one project at a time-this way you don't have to worry about matching the pieces up again after.

This is my jar of staining liquid.  It contains tea bags, cloves, cinnamon, instant coffee in water.  I keep the jar so that I can use it again and again for each project.  Each time I use it I pour it in my pot and add a little more of each of the ingredients-this saves a little money and if I only have a small project then I can just use this.  

Place the  fabric pieces in a pot with the staining liquid. Bring it to a good boil and then let it simmer for about 15 min.

Use tongs to pull the fabric out and put it in a glass bowl.  I usually hang the pieces to dry-these were a little damp so I laid them on a cookie sheet and the finished drying in less than 5 min.  and the oven gives it a little more browning.  

Here are the pieces for my various projects with the safety pins on after staining and drying.

Sew both pieces together leaving an opening at the bottom.  Turn it right side out and stuff it.  Hand sew the opening closed-I did a very rough primitive stitch.  Sew 2 buttons on for eyes and a wide stitch for the nose.  Add a ribbon made of homespun fabric and a little tuft of the stuffing for a tail if you wish.  Remember to keep it basic and primitive for the most authentic look.  

Last but not least-B

After the twins our life was full and really busy.  By the time K was 5 we were past the diaper stage, all kids were in school everyday, we were busy but having fun.  But I still didn't feel like I was done.  I just felt like I wanted one more.  Hubby was finished.  He loved our family, was a great dad-but this was enough.  One day I went to the gyno-this was my old infertility doctor.  Just being in the office brought back all the old pain of infertility.  I still wanted another baby.  What about trying infertility again-I'm sure things had changed in the 10 yrs we hadn't done anything.  As you can imagine hubby thought I had lost it-fertility-ya right!!!   Not long after that  a cousin-who was very close and looked to my mom for mother support-called to say that her son-who is 30yrs but developmentally delayed-had gotten his girlfriend pregnant and CAS was looking at stepping in and taking the baby.  She was very afraid she would lose this grand baby and never see him/her again.  I helped her look at some private adoption situations, where it could be an open adoption and she would be able to see the baby growing up.  Unfortunately, the private adoption agencies didn't have any families willing to take a chance on a baby from 2 parents with delays.   As the due date approached I kept thinking how I would like this baby.  A,T, G, and K were begging for this baby once they heard about him.  Hubby was a definite no.  But I kept thinking how I really did want one more.  Also I kept thinking about how the birth dad of this baby was very special to my grandma, she was always very protective of him, she had raised my cousin.  I just felt like she would be so happy that we kept him with us.  My dad had also passed away just months before this, so it was almost like he had a hand in it.  I told  hubby I would understand if he just didn't want to.  Our life was so busy already-adding one more would mean stretching ourselves a little more for each child.  But even with all that said we decided to talk to CAS and see if it was possible.  Maybe we could look at a legal guardianship or something like that.  B was a scheduled induction.  My cousin was really upset-she knew CAS would be taking the baby.  So my mom and I went up to be with her (they lived about 3 hrs away from us)  I was able to be in the room to see B's birth and take pictures.  I also was the first one to give him a bottle.  That was so wonderful for me-I wish I could have seen my other kids' birth.  But then we left him.  When he left the hospital he would be going to a foster home.  At this point the CAS up there had requested our paperwork from our CAS (previous home studies, etc)  Our CAS told them that we were not a good candidate to take this baby-we had backed out of adopting twins at the last moment, all of our other kids had special needs and we didn't have the money to adopt again.  When I found this out I was livid.  How dare they.  This was nothing more than sour grapes over us requesting the twins-over all the problems with L and us wanting her here and the other foster home wanting to keep her.  I spoke to the CAS up there and told them that we never backed out of adopting twins-we did adopt K and we spent years fighting them to get L to come live in our house-we had told them all along we couldn't adopt her because of all her needs.  I also said that if my other kids have special needs then someone forgot to tell me.  And that finances would be tight but that I felt they needed to do a home study to decide if we could manage financially.  Well thank goodness the CAS up there listened to us and sent for our paperwork to see for themselves.  It took 3 months to get our CAS down here to send the paperwork to the CAS up there.  When they finally got it there was nothing in our file to support what they had verbally been told.  CAS up there had us up for a meeting within 3 days of receiving our paperwork.  They didn't want us to look at legal guardianship because it wasn't permanent and he could be taken away from us at any time down the road.  So we decided to make it a full legal adoption.  CAS up there requested that CAS down here do a home study-they said they were very busy and it would be months before they could do it.  So CAS hired a private social worker down here to do the home study.  This was our first time dealing with a private social worker.  It was wonderful.  Such a different experience than with our local CAS.  WE always felt before like our CAS was almost waiting for us to make a mistake, the whole home study process was very secretive-we never got to see what they thought about us on paper.  With the private worker everything was out in the open.  We  got copies of the reports and felt like she was there to support us and help us.  Once our home study was complete and it was decided that there was no problem with us taking this baby(finances would be tight but we were very thrifty and resourceful)  The CAS up there decided to proceed with placing B with us and asked the CAS down here to follow us for the probation period.  CAS down here refused.  They said they weren't in favour of us having a 5th child so they wouldn't follow.  So CAS up there paid the private worker down here to follow us.  I would highly recommend looking at a private social worker if possible when you are adopting.  She was so supportive,  We received copies of all reports and  knew exactly what she thought of us-the good the bad and the ugly.  With our other adoptions with CAS we were always left with a feeling of did we say or do something wrong-did they see something they didn't like?   So B was ours now.  He grew, he grew and he grew and he grew.  At 5 yrs old he is now bigger than K.  He is feisty and busy. He loves cars and cops.  His Kindergarten teacher says he is a pleasure to have in her class.  He listens well, follows directions, and gets along well with everyone.  It was such a tough decision whether we should add this one more child to our family.  I believe with every part of my being that it was the right decision.  He adds so much fun and tenderness.  T has turned him into a "mini me"  He has learnt to stir the pot much like his big brother.  His birth dad is 6'7" so we expect he is going to be a big guy-a big guy with a big heart!!

Twins K and L

As foster parents you are always ready for a phone call with the latest little peanut who needs some lovin'.  I will never forget the day I got the call for K.  I was told it was a baby girl-5 months old with failure to thrive.  She had a twin sister who was in the hospital  and they had just taken her off life support. How devastating!  So this little peanut came-she was so tiny and so fragile. She wasn't gaining weight.  She was being followed by the NICU.  We took her in and it took all of us to take care of this little one.  She wouldn't eat-we had to sing songs and bounce her to get a few ounces into her.  I had to keep notes on everything that went in and everything that came out.  In the meantime L survived-she was going to be discharged soon and CAS made a decision to place her in another home-feeling that K already had enough needs it would be too much for us to have both girls.  L had brain damage from the neglect she had been through and would need extra help and therapy.  I hated this decision-I always felt that twins should be together-but they said they would look at moving them together once they were both stable. K remained tiny and needed a lot of attention.  I tried to see L as much as possible-visiting with the other foster home or taking L on relief when the other foster home went away.  When L was about 10 months old they decided to put a feeding tube in since she was taking so long to eat-her suck and swallow reflex wasn't very good.  When they put the feeding tube in she vomited and aspirated and they weren't sure if she would survive.  We spent the weekend in the hospital by her side.  I held her all through one night.  The doctor said they were putting her on morphine and that this would slow her respiration's and it was unlikely that she would survive.  But she did.  That little girl had a reason to be here-a reason to keep living.  Unfortunately this latest emergency caused a little more brain damage.  She also was very medically fragile.  She needed to be suctioned on a regular basis.  I would have her here with me for weekends or sometimes weeks at a time when the other foster home would go on holidays or just needed a break. I remember sleeping on the floor next to her crib some nights so that I could jump up and suction her if she needed it. We loved having her.  K always seemed to do better too, when she was here.  K continued to develop, but slowly.  She was always tiny for her age-like the 3rd percentile.  Just before the girls turned 2yrs,  CAS got  Crown Ward so they were looking for an adoptive home for K but it was so unlikely to find someone to take L that they weren't even looking.  I couldn't stand that-I had been keeping K and L together as much as I could for the last 2 years and now K would move on to a permanent family and would see L a few times a year,  possibly.  I just felt that the twin bond is so important-I researched twin relationships  and everything I could find backed up that they should be together.  Also by this time I had invested so so much emotionally into K that I couldn't imagine letting her go.  So Hubby and I talked and talked and talked and decided to put in a request to adopt K and permanently foster L.   L's needs were so high we would be committing financial suicide if we adopted her  and then were totally responsible for her.  CAS talked about giving us an adoption subsidy but the bottom line is once you legally adopt you are responsible for all finances just the same as you are if you give birth to them.  So we followed through with adopting K and prepared to take L as a foster child.  We moved to a bigger house that could be made wheelchair accessible.  We bought a van that could be adapted. We did everything that was asked of us and told we would need IF we were to take her.   In the meantime the foster home that L was living in by this time had grown attached to her and said they wanted to keep her-for now.  They were older than Hubby and I and openly said that they would keep her until she was around 10yrs-we could have her then.  This seemed ludicrous to me-but what was worse was CAS agreed to it.  We had some ups and downs with the other foster home-they treated us horribly at times because they were upset that we tried to "take their little girl"  I was so upset that these twins wouldn't be together and that the other home was keeping L without any kind of a long term commitment.  We continued to do relief once in a while.  I had concerns with L's lack of stimulation, don't get me wrong her basic needs were being met.  She wasn't being abused in anyway.  But on more than one occasion I was told if we had her that she was"easy"  You just have to"hook her up to her food"  I know she was left in a back bedroom most of the time-I worried about her lack of stimulation.  If you needed to go out you could just "give her her meds early and put her to bed" then the babysitter wouldn't have to worry about her.  These things always made me sad-but I knew if I reported it to CAS it would just look like sour grapes.  And most important to us was to keep things open with the other foster home so that we could keep seeing her-K could keep seeing her.  So over the years the girls have seen each other a lot, I often bought matching clothes for them and had their pictures taken together.  We tried to take L with us where ever we could.  We took her to hockey games, baseball games, museums, the beach.  I always liked to treat L like she understood everything going on-I really believed she understood everything and just wasn't able to communicate.  Usually if more than a month went by that we didn't have L, K would start asking for her and missing her.  Over the years K has shown signs of a developmental  delay-it's not real bad but something we need to keep dealing with.  K was falling behind every year in school.  She needed individual help but her delay was mild enough that  she didn't qualify for an aide.  We decided last year to make a drastic move and take her out of public school and homeschool her.  Hubby and I were really  nervous about this-this is our daughters education-we had to make sure we took this seriously.  And that we did.  In the 1 1/2 yrs she has been home she has made some great gains.  In the school system she was losing ground every year.  Now we are slowly seeing her progress.  It is great to see when we teach her something and go back over it a few weeks later that she still has it.  For "confidentiality" reasons I often wasn't able to get information about L  but I would get bits and pieces. I found out that CAS continued to look for an adoptive home for L.  No one ever talked to us about it-about what K's needs might be if L got an out of town adoptive home.  I also found out that when the girls turned 10yrs that the other foster home started looking at putting her into a group home.  We asked many times to have a meeting to find out what our roll would be in the group home,  would we have permission to pick her up and bring her home with us at times, how it worked, etc.  But the workers never would meet with us.  Every birthday K had a party and L was always here with us, but it was all K's friends.   For their 10th birthday I wanted L to have her own party, her own friends.  I got permission and I invited her class to our house for a pool party.  Only one friend came for L but how wonderful-L seemed so excited-I'm sure she understood.  I'm so glad I did that-it is a wonderful memory.  A few months later we had L here again for a 4 day weekend.  We had the best time.  She was the most alert I have every seen her.  T had a really close relationship with her.  The day she came the other foster mom said she screamed with delight when she heard she was coming here.  T carried her in the house and he teased her and she just kept screaming.  He would always tease her.  He teased her about being 10 and wearing diapers.  He teased her that she couldn't talk.  One day I was listening to T tease her and I was laughing and my nephew said "Why do you let him do that?"  I told him that T teases everyone.  He teases K do why not L  it makes her feel included.  It was something special they shared. He teased and with her limited motor control, she swung at him.   When she left after that weekend it was to go to the group home over night.  Hubby, myself, A,T,G and my nephew went to drop her off.  I was going to be OK with the group home I think. I know she would get a lot of stimulation.  I hated that at 10 yrs old she wouldn't have a mom to tuck her into bed and kiss her goodnight.  But I was going to be OK with it.  She looked sullen when we left her-Looking back I do think she enjoyed being with us and just didn't want to leave.  I woke up the next morning to a phone call from the other foster mom that she was going by ambulance to the hospital-but it didn't look good.  By the time I arrived at the hospital she was gone.  Our little angel who had been so alive just the night before.  She was gone.  It appears she vomited and aspirated it.  Its been less than 6 months and I still can't believe she is gone.  K is doing OK.  She didn't want to talk about it at first, but bit by bit questions have come out.  We are working through it.  The kids all have had a rough time-she was their sister-our daughter.    K is growing every day.  She's maturing, both with her education and her socialising.  She dances with the church and goes to youth group.  We try to get her involved in social activities when we can.  She has such a sweet personality, a romantic.   She loves movies and you tube.  I can't wait to see as she grows what a swan she develops into.

One on One time

Having five kids plus usually a foster baby I worry about making sure that I emotionally meet the needs of my kids.  I know I can make sure they have a relatively clean house, clean clothes to wear, good food in their bellies.  But what about meeting their emotional needs.  They are part of a big family.  Most things are done in groups-the little kids, the big kids, the girls, the boys.  One on one time is always at a premium, yet it is so important.  Those one on one times are when we get to have a conversation all about that child.  It's when they can be selfish-and it is all about them.  I really treasure those moments.  it's the times when I get to find out who likes who in their class, what new music they like, what their hopes and dreams are.  Like any mom, I want them to need me.  I want them to ask me for my opinion or advice.  There are many ways I find to get one on one with my kids.  Sometimes it's a simple trip to the grocery store.  Other times, like today Hubby and I took G to the high school for a meeting and decided to take her for lunch.  It gave us the chance to ask her about her impressions of the school, her fears of moving on to a new school and her goals.  I love that feeling of intimacy, just her and us.  It is so nice to see her smile, to hear her giggle.  I always hope I can find more of these moments-I want my children to grow up knowing they are special, they are an individual and they will always be "mine."

G

                  This is G  at 2 1/2yrs old