Last but not least-B

After the twins our life was full and really busy.  By the time K was 5 we were past the diaper stage, all kids were in school everyday, we were busy but having fun.  But I still didn't feel like I was done.  I just felt like I wanted one more.  Hubby was finished.  He loved our family, was a great dad-but this was enough.  One day I went to the gyno-this was my old infertility doctor.  Just being in the office brought back all the old pain of infertility.  I still wanted another baby.  What about trying infertility again-I'm sure things had changed in the 10 yrs we hadn't done anything.  As you can imagine hubby thought I had lost it-fertility-ya right!!!   Not long after that  a cousin-who was very close and looked to my mom for mother support-called to say that her son-who is 30yrs but developmentally delayed-had gotten his girlfriend pregnant and CAS was looking at stepping in and taking the baby.  She was very afraid she would lose this grand baby and never see him/her again.  I helped her look at some private adoption situations, where it could be an open adoption and she would be able to see the baby growing up.  Unfortunately, the private adoption agencies didn't have any families willing to take a chance on a baby from 2 parents with delays.   As the due date approached I kept thinking how I would like this baby.  A,T, G, and K were begging for this baby once they heard about him.  Hubby was a definite no.  But I kept thinking how I really did want one more.  Also I kept thinking about how the birth dad of this baby was very special to my grandma, she was always very protective of him, she had raised my cousin.  I just felt like she would be so happy that we kept him with us.  My dad had also passed away just months before this, so it was almost like he had a hand in it.  I told  hubby I would understand if he just didn't want to.  Our life was so busy already-adding one more would mean stretching ourselves a little more for each child.  But even with all that said we decided to talk to CAS and see if it was possible.  Maybe we could look at a legal guardianship or something like that.  B was a scheduled induction.  My cousin was really upset-she knew CAS would be taking the baby.  So my mom and I went up to be with her (they lived about 3 hrs away from us)  I was able to be in the room to see B's birth and take pictures.  I also was the first one to give him a bottle.  That was so wonderful for me-I wish I could have seen my other kids' birth.  But then we left him.  When he left the hospital he would be going to a foster home.  At this point the CAS up there had requested our paperwork from our CAS (previous home studies, etc)  Our CAS told them that we were not a good candidate to take this baby-we had backed out of adopting twins at the last moment, all of our other kids had special needs and we didn't have the money to adopt again.  When I found this out I was livid.  How dare they.  This was nothing more than sour grapes over us requesting the twins-over all the problems with L and us wanting her here and the other foster home wanting to keep her.  I spoke to the CAS up there and told them that we never backed out of adopting twins-we did adopt K and we spent years fighting them to get L to come live in our house-we had told them all along we couldn't adopt her because of all her needs.  I also said that if my other kids have special needs then someone forgot to tell me.  And that finances would be tight but that I felt they needed to do a home study to decide if we could manage financially.  Well thank goodness the CAS up there listened to us and sent for our paperwork to see for themselves.  It took 3 months to get our CAS down here to send the paperwork to the CAS up there.  When they finally got it there was nothing in our file to support what they had verbally been told.  CAS up there had us up for a meeting within 3 days of receiving our paperwork.  They didn't want us to look at legal guardianship because it wasn't permanent and he could be taken away from us at any time down the road.  So we decided to make it a full legal adoption.  CAS up there requested that CAS down here do a home study-they said they were very busy and it would be months before they could do it.  So CAS hired a private social worker down here to do the home study.  This was our first time dealing with a private social worker.  It was wonderful.  Such a different experience than with our local CAS.  WE always felt before like our CAS was almost waiting for us to make a mistake, the whole home study process was very secretive-we never got to see what they thought about us on paper.  With the private worker everything was out in the open.  We  got copies of the reports and felt like she was there to support us and help us.  Once our home study was complete and it was decided that there was no problem with us taking this baby(finances would be tight but we were very thrifty and resourceful)  The CAS up there decided to proceed with placing B with us and asked the CAS down here to follow us for the probation period.  CAS down here refused.  They said they weren't in favour of us having a 5th child so they wouldn't follow.  So CAS up there paid the private worker down here to follow us.  I would highly recommend looking at a private social worker if possible when you are adopting.  She was so supportive,  We received copies of all reports and  knew exactly what she thought of us-the good the bad and the ugly.  With our other adoptions with CAS we were always left with a feeling of did we say or do something wrong-did they see something they didn't like?   So B was ours now.  He grew, he grew and he grew and he grew.  At 5 yrs old he is now bigger than K.  He is feisty and busy. He loves cars and cops.  His Kindergarten teacher says he is a pleasure to have in her class.  He listens well, follows directions, and gets along well with everyone.  It was such a tough decision whether we should add this one more child to our family.  I believe with every part of my being that it was the right decision.  He adds so much fun and tenderness.  T has turned him into a "mini me"  He has learnt to stir the pot much like his big brother.  His birth dad is 6'7" so we expect he is going to be a big guy-a big guy with a big heart!!